🌼 Looking for Alaska 🌼

*spoilers*

« I’m just scared of ghosts, Pudge. And home is full of them. »

« and I could hear her smile in the reading of it, and the sound of that smile made me think that maybe I would like novels better if Alaska Young read them to me. »

« – It’s not life or death, the labyrinth.   -Um, ok. So what is it ?   -Suffering. Doing wrong and having wrong things happen to you. That’s the problem. Bolivar was talking about the pain, not about the living or the dying. How do you get out of the labyrinth of suffering ? »

« So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was a hurricane. »

« -Were you scared of going home or something ?   -There’s no home. (…) I try not to be scared, you know. But i still ruin everything. I still fuck up. »

« That is the fear. I have lost something important, and I cannot find it, and I need it. »

« and then I leaned forward, my forehead against the back of Takumi’s headrest, and I cried, whimpering, and I didn’t even feel sadness so much as pain. It hurt, and that is not a euphemism. It hurt like a beating. »

« -You can’t just make me different and then leave. Because I was fine before, Alaska. I was fine with just me and last words and school friends, and you can’t just make me different and then die.                                        For she had embodied the Great Perhaps, she had proved to me that it was worth it to leave behind my minor life for grander maybes, and now she was gone and with her my faith in perhaps. »

« We are all going, and it applies to turtles and turtlenecks, Alaska the girl and Alaska the place, because nothing can last, not even the earth itself. The Buddha said that suffering was caused by desire, we’d learned, and that the cessation of desire meant the cessation of suffering. When you stopped wishing things wouldn’t fall apart, you’d stop suffering when they did. »

« To seventh-century Arabia, Muhammed brought the promise that anyone could find fulfilment and everlasting life through allegiance to the one true God. The Buddha held out hope that suffering could be transcended. Jesus brought the message that the last shall be firt, that even the tax collectors and lepers -the outcasts- had cause for hope. And so that is the question I leave you with in this final : What is your cause for hope ? »

« There were so many of us who would have to live with things done and things left undone that day. Things that did not go rightn things that seemed OK at the time because we could not see the future. If only we could see the endless string of consequences that result from our smallest actions. But we can’t know better until knowing better is useless. »

« Those awful things are survivable, because we are as indestructible as we believe ourselves to be. When adults say, « Teenagers think they are invincible », with that sly, stupied smile on their faces, they don’t know how right they are. We need never be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken. We think that we are invincible because we are. We cannot be born and we cannot die. Like all energy, we can only change shapes and sizes and manifestations. »

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